. . . and then there was pickle.

I am a horrible parent.

At six months old I have abandoned my child to the guidance and supervision of Baby First TV. I even went so far as to sacrifice my subscription to Playboy TV to get the channel in the door within our TV budget.

I can’t decide if this is a noble sacrifice or a pathetic example of how misguided I really am. I do love the channel. It is perfect for her cognitive development at this point; without commercials to plant the marketing disease in her yet.

The issue is that it is still Television.

She is already being conditioned to sit in front of the color-changing box and listen to the music. I really don’t like this, but I know it is doing a much better job of stimulating her development than I could without it.

I keep telling myself that the lack of commercials and regulated use will be a great developmental tool, but the truth is I am already using it as a crutch to my laziness. I am already plopping her in her exersaucer, and walking away.

That’s bad.

I need to be an active participant in her TV watching experience, but it is so easy to let it do all the work. What am I supposed to do? Stop being a lazy bastard just because I’m a parent? Oh. Well, I guess that would be a ‘yes’ then, huh?

I grew up without television as a child, and when we re-assimilated to functional society my parents went a wee bit overboard on the whole TV experience. In other words from the moment I woke up ‘til the second I went to bed there was the constant voice of a stranger in the living room.

It is still the case today in my parent’s house. Whether it’s the Weather Channel or Headline News – it’s always something.

When I was little - it was music, and for the majority of my adult life that has been the case. When I lived alone instead of turning on the TV, I would usually put on music and read - but these days it seems there is always the sound of someone talking at me coming from that box.

I don’t want The Pickle to think that is a good idea.

I need to figure out how to balance the positive aspects of the medium with the drawbacks of loss of input control, and numbing the nervous system to the subtlety of the general life experience.

I don’t know at what point the television stops developing auditory processes and starts teaching how to not listen, but I know it happens. I need to listen to her reactions, and gauge when to turn it off.

And here I thought this was going to make things easier for me. It’s scary to think that this box is going to be her first non-parent ‘teacher’, and with all of them in the future – we need to use our discretion and guidance to lead the knowledge she will glean.

If worse comes to worst then I guess I may be forced to read to her – Who knows?

Pickle’s Papa

OK

Due to popular demand, I will give some updates on posts and life in pickledom. I generally just rant about my concerns, but I suppose I could give some honest to god info.

My interview went very well, and I am even more excited about the job now than before. The sad news is that they have a ton of candidates, and I wont know for a couple of weeks.

The Pickle said Dada. Actually The Pickle is repetitively saying DADATHATHADABADADADTHATHA, but there was one time where she looked at me in the eyes and only said "dada". I came in my pants.

She is now mobile. She isn't technically crawling but she does alternating moves of combat crawl and on all fours fall forward. Her favorite is coaxial, but if she finds herself in a bad place she'll settle for phone line or speaker wire (the coaxial is saltier - that's where the cat pees).

Thanks to all of you linkers my technorati rank number is now less than 200,000. I am so close to victory I can smell it. P.S. if any of you fellow bloggers out there get chocolates in the mail - try them, they're really good - especially the ones that smell like almonds.

I seem to have acquired a nice, fun group of friends out there, and I would like to thank you all for your comments and support. I enjoy reading how my psychosis relates to yours.

I hope all of you enjoy my recent addition of advertising. I am one step closer to retirement now. I'm just not sure how they connect material to ads. I'm just glad they haven't wised up about me, and started to put the penis enhancement links here too. That would be really risky on their part - because we're not allowed to click on our own links.

Hope everyone is doing well, and I will post as soon as I hear anything about employment.

Pickle's Papa

p.s. almost forgot - NEW PICS at Pickle's Paparazzi

While many of you are reading this I am going to be at my first real job interview. I’ve actually had one other interview, but this is for the first opportunity that I actually want to get the job.

I am nervous.

This was the plan as The Wife and I drew it up: I was going to stay at home and take care of The Pickle while I finished school, and try to find employment when she reached the six month marker because that was the point we thought we would feel comfortable letting her begin some day care.

This would be that point when I need to find a job, and I am all kinds of conflicted on this.

The good news is that if I get this gig it would be a great deal of work from home, and work that I have done and enjoy doing with little supervision. All things good for my well-being.

The issue is that I don’t want to leave my baby. It is difficult to gear up for an interview that, as much as I want the job, would be very happy being told that I get to stay at home until the next opportunity arises – which isn’t very often.

The problem is that this could be a great job . . . but the kid in me loves the frosted side.

Now I’m just being redundant, but I cant get over the feeling like it’s a lose/lose situation. If I get the job I will probably lose three days a week with The Pickle; however, if I don’t . . . we wont be able to eat or pay our mortgage.

See, its really a very tricky balance.

I am beginning the process of preparing myself for having to leave The Pickle. I don’t like it, and I don’t want to do it – but I know it is an inevitability. If it isn’t this job it will be another, and perhaps one I wont want to do.

I guess the biggest issue is that I am actually having to come to terms with the fact that one way or another I am going to be rejoining the workforce.

I cant imagine The Pickle spending a whole day without either The Wife or me there as the problem solver in the moment to moment issues that arise throughout the day.

We are lucky in that the MIL is near enough to take up some of the slack, but the truth is that she will soon spend her first day in day care.

I don’t know which aspect of this will make me feel like more of a failure: if I am not good enough to get the job, or that I abandon my child.

I seem to have a very positive attitude about the whole thing.

I am feeling very insecure about the whole process, and have that horrible child sensation of wanting to throw a temper tantrum scream and cry running to my room yelling, “I don’t want to!!”

I almost wish that the job weren’t so perfect for me and my situation. I honestly don’t think that I thought an opportunity would arise that I would get excited about the work . . . but here it is, and I am caught between the decision of which selfish act is in my better interest.

My brain wasn’t designed for compromise. I could never make it in politics, and parenthood is turning out to be a real challenge . . . who’d a thought?

Pickle’s Papa