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09/12/2006
Theory vs. Practice
So I had this whole parenting thing pretty much worked out when it was all I had to do, think about, and take the time to climb up on my soap box about.
I am now running around from rehearsal to meetings, memorizing a book, and building a strategic plan for a program from scratch while I am supposed to maintain this idealistic super-parent plan that I hypothesized about when I was still human.
See, nowadays I’m lucky if I have the time or patience to recognize that I have a daughter – let alone analyze the best practice scenario of how I should rear her.
Several weeks ago I knew exactly how and what I was going to guide The Pickle through the landmine filled path that is her development. Today I am wondering if I am going to be able to recognize barbed wire from a building block.
I have always been a very effective multi-tasker, but I know that no matter how you look at it parenthood isn’t something you can schedule in. It is a 24 hour a day job that requires your full focus and cognitive ability in an unpredictable and inconvenient time-frame.
I have another week of full-time rehearsal before we go into performance, and I am just trying to make it to opening without completely undermining all of the work I put into my relationship with, and understanding, of my daughter.
Every day I feel further and further removed from the intuition which once guided my care of her. I knew from morning until night what she needed when, and why she was doing what she was doing.
Today I come home and look at her as a new and growing mystery from which I have somehow lost the key. I know that this is a norm, but it is a new one for me. I suppose I, like everyone else in the world, wanted to share every moment of growth and wonder living through the eyes of my child.
She is beginning the path of separation. I know it is nothing compared to her leaving for college, but it my first taste of knowing she is a person all on her own – and it’s not the easiest idea to accept.
I want to see every moment of discovery, every fall to comfort, and every dream to help build – because I need all of those things from her too.
Pickle’s Papa
12:20 Posted in Pickle Ponderings | Permalink | Comments (8) | Email this
Comments
You poor thing. I've been there. I know how you feel. And I haven't got any suggestions or advice, just sympathy.
Posted by: Melanie | 09/12/2006
Individuation is a painful experience... just wait until Kindergarten. But you have a place of love and honor and always will. She's lucky to have you.
Posted by: CrankMama | 09/12/2006
Savor every moment. Make the minutes that you have with her count when you are there be present with her. She will always have the foundation you gave her for the first 6 months. Isle of View! Mom
Posted by: Mom | 09/12/2006
Man, wait until she hits 14 months and walks away from you. It's heartbreaking.
That's when you buy a pony.
Posted by: Tony | 09/14/2006
"...Today I come home and look at her as a new and growing mystery from which I have somehow lost the key..."
You have grabbed the essence of parenting. I would like to say that everytime you think you found the key, the imps up and changed the lock!!
However, as long as you can look at the child and smile, nothing is that far out of whack. Go forth and enjoy the mystery!!
Posted by: dennis | 09/16/2006
That was absolutely beautiful, Sugar.
Posted by: Queen of Ass | 09/18/2006
I hate to say it, but you're going to miss stuff. It's going to happen, no matter how much time you spend with Pickle. Your back might be turned. You might be fixing lunch. Whatever. But, I've learned (just recently), that kids want to perform for their parents. They want to show off what they've learned. Maybe you'll miss something, like that first step, but you'll be there for the first step she takes in front of you. And, that *will* be special for both of you.
And yes, this is just me trying to make you feel better. Is it working?
Posted by: DenverDad | 09/20/2006
Pickle's papa... way too long a break.. lets have a new post!!!
Posted by: the mad momma | 09/26/2006