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08/21/2006
and the skies parted . . .
And behold god spake unto my wife saying on the eighth day I have created buying in bulk . . . and it was good.
I was not there to witness the epiphany or the act of giving herself to the goodness that took place, but the years of preaching the good word have paid off – and The Wife has seen the light.
For when I returned from my day at work yesterday I found a plastic container of 24 rolls of toilet paper, 16 rolls of paper towel, and a box of diapers that may have had its own gravitational pull.
Halleluiah!!!
For you see my brothers, I grew up in a world where the peanut butter jar had to be opened with a can opener, and the dog food at the bottom of the 55 gallon drum was so stale that by the time Dutchess got to it . . . it doubled as a plaque scraper.
And for years - I have argued the point that we. are not. going to stop. Not going to stop needing these items any time soon . . . So why not buy enough to keep from having to run to the store for the same shit over and over and over?
And I believe. I believe that my wife was convinced that she could cheat death out of that second loaf of bread. Yes that's right, because if she didn’t buy it . . . and she happened to die (HAHAHAHA!!!!).
But the bulk buyer doesn't work that way . . . no.
I owe this miracle to my devoted OCD counterpart "Mya’s Mommy" with whom The Wife went to Target and, with the subtle art of a hooker on prom night, nudged my wife toward the understanding that, “yes, . . . that roll is a dollar, and THAT one is sixty cents.”
Now you must understand, Oh my bretheren, for years this has been a point of contention. A strained fragment of the tension between the wife and I, and one I had accepted to never . . . never find victory. And yes, I had reached that lowest of low places where even I had assumed that The Wife was not going to ever give into logic on this - and to continue her battle of will. Her battle of will against having to spend that much on toilet paper (I’ll save her aversion to pay for parking for another post).
I cannot tell you the joy, Nay, the love I am filled with to see my wife come full circle and finally understand that in buying that much at once - you’re actually spending less. Spending less on toilet paper. Spending less on Peanut Butter. Spending less on Sanitary Napkins . . . and less on gas for having to run to the store every two days to get some stupid shit that you’ve run out of.
And lo though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the Dollar Store. I will fear no Drug Mart. Thy Costco and thy Sam’s Club shall comfort me. For thine is the kindom of bulk and I will buy by the PALLATE!!
Can I get an AMEN?!!?
Pickle’s Papa
22:35 Posted in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (10) | Email this
Comments
AMEN Brother...er...son! Isle of View! Mom
Posted by: Mom | 08/22/2006
Amen!
However my only recent experience with bulk was the bulk tub 'o Vasoline gifted to us on our wedding day...
Posted by: dennis | 08/22/2006
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're probly gonna go a long time before you need more of that.
Posted by: Pickle's Papa | 08/22/2006
ohmigod... lets not go there... i am the queen of bulk buying.. in fact its rare that you run out of anything at my place except of course daily necessities that spoil (like milk)!
most of the time I buy in such bulk that I have no place to store... and i dont get it... why dont other do this???
Posted by: the mad momma | 08/22/2006
Amen & you're welcome! Bulkers unite!
Posted by: Mya's Mommy | 08/22/2006
I hate bulk buying. It's so sad to see that your wife relented. She has fallen from grace. We must pray.
Posted by: Queen of Ass | 08/22/2006
I love it! I used to be like Pickle's Mama, but then I too saw the light. I heart bulk!!!!
Posted by: Melanie | 08/22/2006
Bulk Buying, Factory Direct, and even Factory Seconds; its all a gift of the gods.
I cant give you an Amen as they're only available in 24s.
Posted by: Panda | 08/22/2006
Ya' know. I think they bulk is almost the same price as buying the 8 pack. They just tell you its cheaper, but it's really not.
But it is nice not having to walk around Target with T.P. I hate it when that happens. It's just as bad as walking around with Tampons.
Posted by: Tony | 08/23/2006
when we moved to our last place it came with enough toilet paper for 3-people for a year---it was then i realized tp wasnt just a passing fad, and not running out for months is a luxury few things can par
Posted by: mya's daddy | 09/01/2006