. . . and then there was pickle.

As most of you know – we just got back from a week on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina. To get there we flew into Atlanta (to meet up with The Wife’s sister and hubby) and drove from there to Hilton Head (4+ hrs).

I had had severe concerns about taking The Pickle on this trip due to the travel, but as it turns out - she handled it all much better than I did.

Overall we had an outstanding trip, but for any of you considering the possibility of imprisoning six adults and one infant under one roof for “family fun” - I sincerely recommend rethinking your plans.

Humans are funny. It seems, despite our best intentions, we all seem to have things called ‘needs’. Surprisingly six people rarely have the same needs at the same times.

This is something that became more and more obvious as time went on, and eventually led to me locking myself in our room for the last day and a half just trying to keep from having an overt conflict of interest that I know would have damaged my already perilous relationship with my in-laws. By the end of the vacation, I was perceived to be an anti-social jerk rather than the ass-hole I would have inevitably been seen as had I remained in contact with my in-laws for all of the required social activities.



I know that it is a very good thing that my daughter has the opportunity to have a relationship with her grandparents, and that they are so passionate about having that relationship with her. I just wonder if perhaps this relationship could occur without psychologically damaging yours truly.

We do all try to get along. We just refuse to compromise. So despite good will and fair intent we always end up in a bitter battle of will.

I know that my mother-in-law (MIL) is not going to change – just as I have no intention of change. The challenge that showed it’s ugly head on this vacation is how we can remain true to ourselves without it putting The Pickle in the middle (that’s funny).

I have no desire to use my daughter as a tool of manipulation toward my in-laws. I am neither that cruel or cold, but on this vacation I found that my desire to be with my daughter, and to not do what my MIL was doing - inevitably created situations where either plans were changed or resentment was felt because of control issues with the child.

I don’t feel good about this.

As much as they grate on me, and I at times would prefer a parallel universe where I didn’t have to take their opinions into consideration – I will not stand between them and The Pickle.

I think that that is what got to me the most on this trip. Normally I would have had the argument, but for once I was aware of the fact that I am the intermediary between these people, and that my opinion and ego are less important than their relationship.

This is a new idea for me, and I wasn’t even fully aware of why I was feeling so lousy until well after the fact. What changed things for me was The Wife explaining a misconception that my in-laws had - regarding my big avoidance.

On the last night of our stay my MIL had offered to baby-sit and pay for dinner at a very nice restaurant the four ‘kids’ (Me, Wife, SIL, BIL). By the time that afternoon had rolled around I was already DONE with the MIL. I had reached the point where I was incapable of accepting anything else from her.

It is such a fine line between gracious host and entitled bitch, and the MIL usually falls on the latter side of that fence. There was no way I was going to have her baby-sit and pay for dinner. I think I was afraid that when we returned she would have constructed a make-shift cross in the living room of the condo for her final martyrdom.

Because I decided to not have the confrontation regarding the issue, my in-laws perceived my refusal of dinner to be a reflection on my trust of their ability to baby-sit.

Yeah.

Therein lies the guilt, and the pickle in the middle.

So how do you fix this one? I don’t know, but I have a feeling that it will eventually lead to that dreaded and most difficult of all words . . . Compromise.

Pickle’s Papa