. . . and then there was pickle.

Here are some general notes and realizations that I would like to pass on. Each of these is very important, however as I have accumulated them – none has been worth a complete post on their own.


·If I were still single, I would borrow babies to pick up chicks.

·Only babies can smile innocently while peeing on you, and I don’t want to talk about my point of reference.

·You never feel good about the job you’re doing, but occasionally they let you not feel bad.

·Everybody knows the right thing to do with a baby, child, or mother-in-law.

·Never buy into any routine; she’s waiting for you to make the assumption – to change the groove.

·Sweet Potato encrusted eyebrows make you feel like a loser in public. . . it was dark in the house and I ended up having to do the ‘lick the thumb’ scrape in the park just praying nobody saw her orange Frankenbrow.

·Don’t tell anybody how good she is until the end of the visit or she will prove you wrong.

·A crying baby can get you out of any conversation.

·Bribing grandmothers with baby time can get them to sell crack for you.

·Vomit is a state of mind. If you don’t believe its bad – it’s not.

·All chores and meals are optional upon the signed written consent of The Pickle and her sub-personalities. They are the seven dwarves of hell – cranky, bitchy, cryee, bouceed, poopy, tired, and where’s mom?

·Any parent with a child older than yours can make you feel immediately insecure with the phrase, “Oh, you do (that) . . . we always did (this).” Because you cannot help but second-guess your own judgment or the advice of your pediatrician.

·People without kids think you’re a freak – unless they’re trying to have them or gay.

·Old people feel sorry for you.

·Other parents think you have it easy.

·Every Day is one you’ll never have back again.

·She’s only going to do something for the first time once, and the ones that come when she’s older – you don’t really want to be there for.

·The only thing better than naptime is when she loves you and is playful.

·There is nothing in the world like the sparkle in her eyes when she smiles.

·And I don’t want to go back to work.


Pickle’s Papa